August 6, 2009

I Feel Robbed

I didn't get the first 4 years of his life. He came to us when he was 4 years and 5 months.
Now he is 5. Soon to be 6.
I didn't rock him to sleep when he was baby, feed him from a bottle, hear his first word, see him take his first steps, potty train him, or even teach him how to ride a bike.
I feel robbed. Gypped. Cheated.
And now this.
They want me to send him to Kindergarten FULL-DAY.
I know he is a smart kid and if you ask him he'll tell you you he wants to go to school all day so he can learn more and more.
But I'll miss him. Really badly.
I know, I know if you had asked me to send him to school all day a year ago, a big part of me would have said "A break from the tantrums, lies, outbursts, constantly being shadowed?! Sure!".
But I changed my mind.
I've been fighting back tears thinking about it all day.
I have grown to love this little boy more than I ever thought possible.
Adopting him may have brought a whole lot of challenges, but seeing what he is becoming is absolutely thrilling.
So, yes, Kyler. We will be sending you off to your first day of full-day Kindergarten next week. But you're not getting rid of me.
I will be there volunteering in your classroom, eating lunch with you as often as I can, walking with you to school, helping you with homework, and cherishing every moment I have with you.
Love you, Kyler!
Hcatt and Jdogg said...

Kyler is such a cute kid! I feel bad we never had Jayden play with him. All day! Good luck to you! I think it's almost always harder on the mom!

Pattie said...

Sniff, sniff. What a sweet post, although I can't believe you would feel robbed about not having to potty train him. If it helps, I have a three year old that would love to have you come and potty train him (haha). He will do great in all-day kindergarten...and so will you. We'll be thinking of you both!

AnneMarie said...

Ditto to Patty's comments! What a sweet tribute to your son.

Happy to hear you got yourselves a house--we'll be sure to come see you at Thanksgiving!

Stefanie Hyer said...

Awe Laura... You are such a good mother to him... I am so proud of you for letting him grow up a bit.. but dont worry, you still have many many more years before he is all grown up!

nancy said...

All day kindergarten won't seem like all day.
Your day will pass so quickly!

You found a house just in time for school to start.
That is going to help Kyler so much by starting school at the right school and at the right time. 1st day is important/ Have fun!

Cheryl said...

I'm one of the few that can really understand the feelings of being cheated. I missed a lot too. But don't forget that we got to wear our own jeans home when we brought our kids home, and we have fewer stretch marks!

I loved your tribute. We work so hard to get them, then we spend the next decade or two saying goodbye as we teach them to be independent without us! Isn't that crazy??

Suzanne said...

Laura, I am really excited to read that book you want to write someday, because you express yourself wonderfully on this blog! Good luck braving that first day of kindergarten, and congratulations on finding THE house!!!

Jenna Allen said...

Losie - I love you so much. That brought tears to my eyes. That is so sad. I want to see your book, too. ;) (but meanwhile, the blogs are doing a great job on their own :))

Barb said...

I am sorry I have not written on your blog, or posted, but, I have been talking to you in person!
Kyler will be great, you wuill be fine, and it is funny how you think you will have a lot of free time and it never happens. Ever.
You could keep him home and teach him yourself, but I think you should give the school a try. He is so smart and being in a new area it will help him meet friends. You are his parent, you can choose what is best for him, in school, homeschool, Yeah America and freedom!! Love you.

Barb said...

Oh, yeah, if you want to know about the joys of diapers, bottles, potty training and crying all night, I will be happen to share some stories. . .